Bringing the Girl to the Forefront

Missing Femininity

2010-08-16T11:12:00.000-07:00

I've gone through a strange metamorphosis over the past couple of years. For most of my life when feminine thoughts, feelings, or actions would come over me, I would despised them, deny them, and do my best to destroy them. They were the object of frustration, loathing, and pain.

Now it's almost the reverse that is true. I'm 51 ears old, and you know what? Feminine feelings are a part of me. They are who I am, and can no more be denied than any other part of me.

What made the change in me? Certainly hypnosis helped, but I don't think that would have worked at all if I hadn't decided to accept it myself ahead of time. Which I did.

But now, the funny thing is that after a lifetime of being unhappy when I felt feminine, now I feel unhappy when I'm not. Or at least I know I will feel much better, much happier and more joyful if I can let that inner girl take anotehr step and breathe another breath of life.

I haven't always down so well with that, and that's kind of where I am right this second. I'm not as feminine feeling as I was, say, 6 months or a year ago. And now I MISS it and want it back!

My, how things change. For the better.

Funny Joke: The Ranch hand

2010-08-09T14:59:00.001-07:00

I had to read this joke out loud this morning at my aunt's house, to my mother and my wife, my aunt, and a guest. That was interesting in and of itself. If only they knew!~

Anyway... it'really is a funny joke:

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.

She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.

Two o'clock and no hired hand.

Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.

Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my stockings."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

Becoming a Need

2009-11-16T06:48:00.000-08:00

I spent a lot of time, both Saturday and Sunday, thinking about the Bedtime Feminization recording and wondering how I was going to get alone for awhile so I could listen. It wouldn't have killed me if I had missed, but I felt very strongly that I didn't WANT to miss it.

And this recording really lacks any obvious suggestion to make me desire repeated listening, as so many erotic hypnotsis recordings have. (And let's face it, we all want to become addicted to it, don't we girls?")

Well, I got my time in both days. I've now listened to it 19 days in a row, and today will be 20.

This morning I stopped on the way to work and bought 2 pairs of panties. I have no doubt at all that I will wear panties every day this week. After all, that's what women do.

Setting Priorities

2009-11-13T04:33:00.001-08:00

Early this week I was in a real funk of depression. I was listless, lifeless, and telling myself I didn't want to be TG, didn't want to be a girl, and so on. I posted to my Twitter page that I had come as close to a purge as I had been in over a year.

So how did it get this way? Some of it may have had to do with the weekend. I had high expectations for a lot of fun with my roleplay site and with hypnosis because some workers were coming to my work for a job. Technically it was the weekend and I didn't have to work. But I had to be at the job site to turn some things on and off for them. It would be a good time to do the full two hour trances that I get when I do Mind Mistress'Acceptance, followed by her Elegance CDs.

Well, that didn't work out because the workers had needs that I had to attend to. (Gasp, no, not those kind of needs! OMG I can't believe you thought that!)

And I didn't get to roleplay much either. I felt like I was behind in everything I wanted to do, I was frustrated and unhappy.

Well you know what? I was expecting too much of myself. Honestly, two freaking hours of hypnotic trance is a bit much with all the rest I have to do in my busy life. So Mind Mistress, I'm sorry. I can't do your stuff at this point in my life.

One of the saving graces this week was Ms. Teresa's Bedtime Feminization. There were a couple of times this week when listening to that just took me right out of it. I don't say that to suck up to her, but I say that because I think it truly helped me feel better, and feel more accepting of my femininity.

And let's face it, I am TG. I love my girly side, and I love expressing it. It's far better to accept that about myself than to try to wish it wasn't there. And what's not to love about it anyway?

So now it's the week's end. By my count, I've listened to Bedtime Feminization now 16 times, daily for over two weeks. And I'm very happy with the way it makes me feel about myself.

And by dropping the Mind Mistress stuff, I feel a huge load taken off of me. And everything else is falling into place. It's all about priorities.

Panties, Mmmm!

2009-11-06T09:52:00.000-08:00

I haven't worn panties for about a month, mostly because it's a hassle. When you're married to a disapproving spouse, you can't keep a drawer full of panties to change into. So you're pretty much forced to leave home wearing boy undies, and change along the way to work to panties which you have stashed. And of course, you must change back on the way home. Hassle, hassle, hassle!

And then there are the laundry issues. Yes, panties are fairly cheap, and one could always throw them away and buy new. But in lieu of that, you have to save up the dirty ones until either you have the house to yourself, or you can make a trip to the laundry mat.

So by and large I've left my panties tucked away in the lockers where my other feminine articles are kept.

But today, after listening to Bedtime Feminination for the 12th time, I really, really wanted to wear panties. Maybe it was prompted by the suggestion in the recording always wear something soft next to my skin. I'm not sure, but I felt a very storng need to wear panties today, and the desire to wear them every day from now on. Suddenly it's feeling quite worth the hassle.

I put them on and it felt SO GOOD! Panties are WONDERFUL! I LOVE WEARING THEM!

Of course, a few other hypnotic suggestions kicked in then as well, and I ended up trying on a skirt and pumps and putting on lipstick! But after a bit I took it all off (except the panties) and went in to the office.

I'll have to change before I go home, and thus will spend the evvening (and maybe all weekend) without something soft next to my skin to remind me of who I am. I may really feel compelled to come up with a solution for that. I wish I could just switch to panties and be done with it.

I later wrote on my Twitter page that if I could I would shave my legs and throw out all my male underwear TODAY. That's true, I would. And I bet I wear panties again on Monday.

Good Girl

2009-11-02T12:05:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I've been able to give a report. I listened once Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, and Tuesday, so I have listened to Bedtime Feminization now nine times, and today should be number ten.

One thing I've noticed is that she says "Good girl" as a means of praising me for listening. Those words have a very special effect on me, because they are a pleasure trigger installed by previous hypnodommes.

Those were suggested to me to modify my behavior, of course. I derive physical, sexual pleasure from being called a girl. It often makes me jerk when it is said in proper context, and that is the case when listening to Bedtime Feminization.

The existence of this hypnotic trigger is something that, of course, has had a significant effect on my behavior. Since I long for the feeling that being praised in this way gives me, I find myself searching for ways to be called a "good girl". Almost always that involves behaving in a feminine manner. And I find, then, that behaving in a feminine manner is pleasureable for me. Quite the useful too, isn't it?

So Ms. Teresa, unbeknownst to her (until she reads this) has built in to this recording something very powerful for me that reinforces my feminine behavior and compels me to listen to the CD again so that I may experience the pleasure it brings me.

Insidious, no? But in a very delightful way.

What day is it?

2009-10-30T09:31:00.000-07:00

I was gonna say this was day two my my listening to Bedtime Feminization recording, but actually it's only day two of my blog. {Giggles}.

Well after much trying, I had to go look at my email, because I knew there was a record of it there. I began my listenining to Bedtime Feminization on Wednesday. I listened twice that day.

Then once yesterday. And once today. So today was number four! Ya know, I used to be good at math but this seems hard. Maybe it's because I'm sleepy ... as in real life sleepy. I stayed up late last night, drank four beers, then pigged out before I went to bed. Bad girl! Bad girl! And now today I feel... blah. Well no wonder, right?

And you know what? Hypnosis doesn't work so well when you're tired. You might just fall asleep during it, and I mean snoozing sleep, not trancing sleep!

But it was still, I think, very good today. I went out to my truck at about 11:45 and put on the headphones. I got interrupted by a phone call about 5 minutes in, just as I was drifting off into trance. So when the phone call was over, I started again at the beginning.

There is a mantra on this that I'm supposed to memorize. I know I say it, but right now I can't remember what it says. It will be interesting to see if I can memorize it without writing it down!

But anyway, after the trance, I awake feeling wonderful, and happy I did it. So I am looking forward to tomorrow when I listen again. And honestly, I'm kind of giddy thinking about the long term effects.

Finishing What's Been Started

2009-10-29T06:43:00.000-07:00

Hello, I'm Teena.

I've started a few blogs before, and abandoned them. What starts out as something that my heart wants to do, things get in the way, struggles prevail, and soon it falls by the wayside.

The same can be said for many endeavors in life, including my quest to let the my inner girl have a life. Every day, Teena needs to feel, and experience, and live. But living in a male world makes that oh, so difficult at times.

My primary expression in femininity is through The D&X Institute That is where I have a female life and interact with my many friends, including my roleplay fiancé, Nicci.

Another place that I express my inner girl is through My Twitter Account. It was there that I met Rebecca, my best Twitter friend, and who only thinks of me as a female. And it is also there that I met Ms. Teresa. More about her in a bit.

Another area of my feminine experience is via hypnosis. I have several CDs by Miss Linda, aka Mind Mistress. I have trained with them, experienced female orgasms, and learned to to very deep hypnotically, accepting the words of my hypnotist.

But I think her work has a few faults, at least as far as my personal needs. for one thing, her recordings are very lengthy. Listening to her "Acceptance" CD, which is designed to amplify the effects of the CD that follows, is a two hour daily committment. With all else I am doing, how can I do that?

And secondarily, so far her recordings seem to do little to address who I really am inside. I like them, I like their effects, but they do seme to lack something for me.

Now back to Ms Teresa. She is another of my Twitter friends, who is quuite interested in the feminization of girls like me, as evidenced by her site. Ms. Teresa does custom erotic recordings, and all that I have heard have been of very high quality.

Ms. Teresa, it turns out has ventured into the realm of hypnosis. Her Bedtime Feminization.recording has a pretty good induction. Maybe it's just my previous hypnotic conditioning, but I really go deep easily with it. And it feels very much like it addresses my deepest need as a woman.

The great part is that it's only 15 minutes long! I can listen to it easily, and I feel wonderful after listening.

So here is my committment: I am going to listen to this recording, every day if at all possible, for the next four to six weeks. I am going to chronicle my activity here on this blog. And I hope you enjoy it.

Love,

Teena